Heard, Seen, Respected (HSR)

Five Structural Elements – Min Specs

1. Structuring Invitation The purpose of this activity is to practice listening without trying to fix anything or make any judgments. It can help us walk in another person’s shoes. I invite you to tell a story to a partner about a time when you felt you were not heard, seen, or respected.”
2. Space and Materials
• Pairs of chairs facing each other. No tables. [Breakouts of two.]
• Introductory material to display.
3. Participation Distribution
• Roles include host [tech host], storytellers, and listeners.
• Minimum group size is two.
• Everyone has an equal amount of time to take a turn as storyteller and listener
4. Groups Configuration
• Alone
• In pairs for the storytelling
• Quartets, for reflecting on what happened
• Whole group
5. Steps and Time Allocation

Intro: Share the structuring invitation. (1 min.) Individual Reflection: Participants think of a story about a time they were not heard, seen, or respected that feels safe to share. (2 min.) Storytelling in Pairs: Display Figure 5.23. Participants form pairs [breakouts]. Each person takes 5 minutes to share their story while their partner listens attentively, asking only, “What happened next?” If the speaker is done early, the pair sits in quiet, respectful silence. (10 min.) Reflect in Pairs: Each person shares their experience of storytelling and listening, reflecting on what emotions and insights surfaced. (7 min.) Reflect in Quartets: Pairs join to form quartets [Optional: Merge pairs to form quartets] to share their reflections and consider two questions: What patterns do the stories reveal? What importance do you assign to these patterns? (5 min.) All-Together Sharing: Everyone returns to plenary. A few people reflect on where this practice of deep listening might be most valuable. (5 min.)WHY? Purposes

Taking it online Groups can skip the reflection in quartets if combining breakout rooms is difficult. However, doing the full 1-2-4-All helps participants reflect on their experience. Tech hosts can prepare the quartet breakouts while participants are in pairs. Alternatively, use 1-3-All.

WHY? Purposes

• Reveal how common it is for people to experience not being heard, seen, or respected
• Reveal how common it is for people to behave in a way that makes other people feel they are not being heard, seen, or respected
• Improve listening, tuning, and empathy among group members
• Notice how much can be accomplished simply by listening
• Rely on each other more when facing confusing or new situations
• Offer catharsis and healing after strains in relationships
• Help managers discern when listening is more effective than trying to solve a problem

Practice Insights

Tell participants that the first story they think of is often the best one to tell. Make the activity feel safe by encouraging participants to protect each other's privacy and reminding them they don't need to share the most painful story that comes to mind. Encourage listeners to notice when they form judgments or ideas about how to help — and let them go.

Tips

• Say, "Your partner may be ready before you. The first story that pops into mind is often the best."
• Make it safe by saying, "You may not want to pick the most painful story that comes to mind."
• Make it safe by saying, "Protect carefully the privacy of the storyteller. Ask what parts, if any, you can share with others."
• Suggest, "When you are the listener, notice when you form a judgment (about what is right or wrong) or when you get an idea about how you can help, then let it go."

Riffs and Variations

• If you are feeling brave, replace the word "respected" with "loved" (i.e., the agape form of love — seeking the highest good in others without motive for personal gain.)
• String HSR together with other Liberating Structures that help to mend relationships: Helping Heuristics, Generative Relationships STAR, Appreciative Interviews

Practical Applications

• For regular meetings to improve the quality of listening and tuning in to each other
• For transition periods when questions about the future are unanswerable (e.g., post-merger integration, market disruptions, social upheaval) and empathetic listening is what is needed
• When individuals or groups have suffered a loss and need a forum to share their grief or despair
• To improve one-on-one reporting relationships up and down in an organization

Optional String

String HSR together with other Liberating Structures that help to mend relationships: Helping Heuristics, Generative Relationships STAR, Appreciative Interview

Source: Liberating Structures