Directness Gap: two round feedback demo and scored practice

Help managers give direct and kind feedback with SBED (Situation, Behavior, Experience, Demands), and show them how direct they actually come across.

1. Prepare (before the session). Brief one volunteer in advance. Tell them round 1 is a designed failure that you will play badly on purpose, so the awkwardness is never theirs. If nobody agrees, run both rounds yourself to an empty chair. Never draft someone from the room.
2. Round 1, 3 minutes. Deliver feedback the vague way: hedges, "maybe", praise to cushion it, and no clear request at the end.
3. Round 2, 5 minutes. Same scenario, now with SBED and a warm open and close. Situation: when and where, specific. Behavior: what you observed, not your reading of their intent. Experience: the impact on you, the team or the work. Demands: what needs to change from now on, said plainly. Close by asking what would help them make the change.
4. Debrief, 5 minutes. Ask three questions in this order: What was different? Where did it get uncomfortable, and why? Which version would you rather receive?
5. Pair practice, 10 minutes. Each pair takes a scenario card. Two minutes to prepare an SBED, three minutes to deliver it, one minute to score. Swap roles with a new card.
6. Score the gap. The giver scores how direct they were, 0 to 10. The receiver scores how direct it felt, 0 to 10. Both write their number down before saying it.
7. Read out, 3 minutes. Ask two pairs to say both numbers in front of the room. Givers usually score themselves higher than receivers do. Name the gap: the message you think you sent is not the message that arrived.
8. Close, 2 minutes. Each person writes down one real conversation they have been putting off and the date they will hold it. Good feedback lands within a day of the event.

Facilitator notes. Walk the room during practice. Push vague givers to name the Demand. Keep practice on the cards so real colleagues stay private. Cards that work: missed deadlines, a veteran who resists a new process, someone who dominates meetings, a peer from another team, and feedback to your own manager.

Adapted from the Leaders ADAPT teaching package on hard conversations, licensed CC BY 4.0. SBED builds on the Situation, Behavior, Impact (SBI) feedback model from the Center for Creative Leadership. The Demands step and the Directness Gap exercise are by Andreas Pettersson.

The full package has 20, 45 and 90 minute session plans, a fictional case, scenario cards, a printable worksheet, discussion questions and a free self-assessment: leadersadapt.com/teach-hard-conversations