Melissa Abecassis

The Relationship Scan

by .  
30 - 602 +
This is a simple exercise to provide you and your partner (romantic or work) with an opportunity to interact in a contained place. The container:
  • Remove any distractions (no phones, tablets, laptops)
  • If you are parents (no kids allowed)
  • Choose a place where you will not be interrupted
  • Set a time - (non-negotiable) 30 min is a good amount of time and doable even for busy people and a place.
Ideally, you will find the same time and day every week.
If you can make it a ritual:
  • Go to your favourite coffee shop together
  • Have a morning meeting over a hot chocolate
  • Open a really good wine

This is a time for you and your partner to talk about how you both are doing, your relationship, any unfinished conversations or arguments or things that are unsaid, or any needs that are not being met.


  • To create and maintain connection 
  • To support a healthy (and continuous) information flow 
  • To create a weekly habit of sharing and building lasting connection 


Take turns to answer the questions below. 

  • Practice active listening and wait until your partner is finished.  
  • Don't judge your partners experience
  • Ask clarifying questions 

  1. How do you feel about us today? (for work frame it: our collaboration or the way we work together)
  2. Is there anything you feel incomplete about from this past week that you would like to talk about?
  3. How can I make you feel more loved in the coming days? (for work: replace love with valued)


The answers to these questions should lead you and your partner in a healthy and productive discussion about your selves and your relationship. Make sure to do this regularly to keep on top of any issues and ensure that things don’t get swept under the rug or put on the back burner for too long (Gray, 2014)

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